The first one concerns a curious endgame I played on ICC a couple of month ago. I shared it with a couple of my friends and students. Then came e-mail from IM John Donaldson: Dear Igor, I know you work as an accountant (actually it is actuary) and chess coach but didn't realize you moonlighted as a mortician! You put your opponent in a tomb! John

Now, John is an AOL user, and one of the AOL features is that, unless you make an effort, it doesn't preserve the prior e-mail history. It took me a couple of minutes searching through old e-mails to realize that John was referring to that curious endgame. I was laughing very hard. See for yourself:

White to Move

I am White in this 3 minute per game shootout. The Nd4 isn't pinned, so, in addition to simply winning the pawn on c6, White has other options. With clocks down to the last 30 seconds I found the following nice variation:

1.Nxe6 Rxd1+ 2.Bxd1 fxe6 3.h4 g5 4.h5 gxf4 5.exf4 Kf7 6.Bf3 c5 7.Bc6 (Diagram on the right.) Black's remaining pieces are permanently stuck in the 6-sqaure box f8-f7-h7-h8. The White K will win the battle on the Q-side. Black resigned a few moves later.

Black to Move

My answer to this obviously humorous puzzle basically was - Note that  there is no requirement stated in the question that White wins, only that he promotes the pawn into the Queen. Then, of course, White can advance the P on a7 and, with the Black K on b7, could play Pa8Q+, fulfilling the requirement. While White would be losing the new Queen to Kxa8 with a Draw, he would be winning the bet.

Apparently, not that easy. Here is what the reader wrote.

Dear Mr. Khmelnitsky

I have recently worked through your book "Chess Exam and Training guide". I greatly enjoyed reading your book; it has a great selection of problems with very clear explanations of solutions.... 

Well, today I found out that one should bet that there is no way to queen the pawn. You propose the solution 1.a7 Ka8, 2. Ka5 Kb7?? 3. a8=Q+ and white wins the bet. 

However, there is a nice and elegant way to stop your plan in its tracks. As soon as you play any first move, I will RESIGN, and while you will win a drawn position, you will not be able to queen your
pawn as you promised. Or I can be evil and resign after your second move, with the same outcome. I have already lost a bet like that today, so please correct your solution in the new edition of your excellent book. Thank you very much for your terrific work.   L.V.

I hope it was just a friendly wager and I thanked L.V. for letting me alert my readers. Be aware!

Korchnoi, in the mean time, had a successful National Open too. He scored 5/6 tying for 2nd place behind Nakamura (5.5/6), had nice crowds at his books signing and ... managed to meet J. Scott Burris. 

SB - Hello Mr. Korchnoi, I scored more points than your did!
VK - Hey... You don't look like Nakamura

Or maybe something like this:
SB - Hello Mr. Korchnoi. I purchased your book yesterday, thank you for signing my copy.
VK - Yes, of course. I remember you, and 500 other people who waited in line

What was your first reaction. If you can think of a funny line (but please no offensive stuff) please drop me a line. The best one may get some small prize.

Another student and friend attended  the National Open and brought me an autographed copy of Korchnoi's book My Best Games (Olms). Thank you, Joe!

I also said that one thing he should consider was to solve some tactical puzzles to keep his mind sharp. A natural choice was my new book Chess Exam and Training Guide Tactics.

Nigel:

Here is an example - I am relaxing on the beach, enjoying the sun and the ocean, reading your book and generally doing well with the puzzles. Pretty much all like you recommended. 

All of a sudden, when I feel good about my answer to one of your exam questions and expect full 5 points reward, I read  - "If you didn't consider 5...Nc3, you loose 3 points!"  I swear, I thought you were sitting next to me and we are having one of our training sessions. So I 'told' you - "This is not fair! I am on vacation!", put your book in my bag and went to the ocean.

Finally, last week I got a review copy of the new book with the appropriate title for chess humor - "Horse Laffs", written by Ralph J. Tykodi and the late Mr. Chess Humor himself - Eduard Guffeld (Thinkers' Press, Inc., Bob Long publisher)

I enjoyed this book. Some of the stories were familiar to me, some were new. My favorite section was 94 anecdotes from Gufeld's collection. Here are a couple that made me chuckle (perhaps these situations are not uncommon): 

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A wife to her husband, a chess player: 

- If you won't take out the garbage at once, I'll steal the King from your chess set.

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- Well, are you satisfied with your son-in-law (or use friend, father-in-law,...)?
- Actually, I am, but he can't play chess. 
- What's so bad about that?
- There is nothing bad about it, but the point is that he cannot play, yet he plays and plays.

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I wish you to find your own way to make chess a fun game it always meant to be! Enjoy the game and have a great success!

Chess Exam and Training Guide (2004)  $24.95 + shipping

Chess Exam and Training Guide: Tactics (2007)  $19.95 + shipping

CE + CE Tactics (Special) - $39.95 - insured shipping in US is included